The 60-20-20 Rule: foundations of a dream-life

People often make the mistake of thinking they can go to Therapy for one hour a week and expect to be "fixed," when they do not get the repair they desire they then blame the Therapist. 

You’ve been misled. Everyone’s been misled. Your habits affect you on a day-to-day basis, it influences your relationships, self-image, choices, everything! Do you honestly think discussing one memory a day, without changing how these memories impact you, is going to alter the chemistry of your life in the manner to wish you desire most? No! You cannot create when you are operating from a traumatized lifestyle! In order to take control of your healing journey, your spirit, your body, and actually create the life you’ve dreamed about since childhood is to CHANGE YOUR LIFESTYLE! 

At Soul's Chi-yu, I’ve personally developed the tools necessary to understanding how to adjust your lifestyle to receive the goals you set for yourself and I call it:

   THE 60-20-20 RULE

• 60% is the MENTAL DIET, the thoughts you’re thinking on a daily basis, how you deal with your trauma, mindsets, approaches to present day situations and yourself, etc. 

• 20% is NUTRITION, do the foods you eat align with your mental and physical health goals? Is your body being fueled with nourishment or detriment?

• The final 20% is EXERCISE, Are you moving? More importantly, are you moving in a way that propels you towards a body that you love, a body that can care for you, and in a motion that feeds the highest version of health for YOU?

  
  

We're going to dive into the specifics of these principles, why they work, and how they will help you understand what specifically you can do to help yourself master your reality, mind, and life.

(60%) MENTAL DIET

Reality is a hallucination, in the sense that the brain does not relay accurate, objective information to you; but, rather takes hundreds-of-thousands of light waves and interprets them into images based on familiar memories. Your brain sends the signals to your heart to beat, lungs to breathe, legs to move, it is the boss of your body. You can imagine that if your brain becomes dysregulated, your body can too. Though science cannot yet explain it, all humans are aware of their own consciousness. Through consciousness we create thoughts, beliefs and emotions based on past patterns of experience and views on the present; and since your consciousness governs the brain, which controls your perception of reality, the way you experience life is not due to circumstances, but mentality. Do you see it, baby? This is the magic of your mindset! By manipulating how a memory or present circumstance affects you, you change your reaction, which changes the chemistry in your brain, therefore altering your experience of life itself!

These days there are hundreds of arguments on what the most enigmatic organ in the known universe can do, so allow me to provide some insight and teach you how create an ethereal life through the beauty of your brain.

GENETIC 

Genetics are no doubt an important factor of the body, but the extent to which genetics plays has been blown out of proportions.

For example:

SLC6A4 is a gene most commonly associated with Depression, for reasons being that it is the primary transporter of the neurotransmitter Serotonin (The “happy chemical.” Regulates mood and helps the body with basic functions.) People without SLC6A4 are considered at higher risk for Depression…Well…You know what else is kinda awkward?... There are actually 200 GENES associated with Depression! And guess what? They all have to do with regulating stress, emotion, cognitive function, basically everything that has to do with feeling something. No wonder... DEPRESSION IS AN EMOTIONAL AFFLICTION! Plus, let me add some sprinkles to this cupcake of bull-crap, according to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), they have directly admitted that they cannot identify a singular gene in the body that causes Depression. If you have emotions you’re going to have genes there for the purpose of regulating these emotions, so according to "science" if you have one gene that has been downregulated in reaction to an event, (Epigenetics) then suddenly you have a genetic issues that "cannot be solved" with anything other than medical supplementation. (Which conveniently happens to benefit the pockets of those who fund the studies on these topics.)

Let’s talk about the real causes of Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and all emotional states of mind. There are hundreds of clinical research and personal testimonies from those who have been diagnosed with Depression, stating they experienced symptoms of Depression shortly after a traumatic event. Now, here is where I can see the “genetic” argument come in, but I am going to explain why it’s wrong. 

Your Grandmother, Mother, and You all have Depression. “Oh! Then depression must be a matter of their genes and therefore everyone in that family is at higher risk.” Hold up. "Symptoms of Depression are reported after a traumatic event." If your Grandmother was physically abused, did not break the cycle, then abused your Mother, who also abused you. That is a pattern of unhealed trauma being passed down generation to generation. The problem is not the genes, it’s the pattern of abuse due to unhealed trauma.

Genealogists who find similar genes in person to person could have this easily explained by the fascinating Epigenetics. Epigenetics is your brains ability to up or downregulate certain genes in the body in reaction to environment (which, as stated before, your perception of your environment is controlled by your brain which is controlled by the consciousness.)

It’s like obesity, that's not a genetic problem either, it's an environmental one. You think if your parents have spent their entire lives eating garbage, not taking care of their body, they're suddenly going to flip a switch when you come out of the womb and feed you healthy, nutritional food? No, and you aren’t going to grow up thinking about food in a conscious manner because your family culture is to “eat for fun, not fuel.”

This is a matter of history, not a chain and shackle to your destiny of misfortune. Now you get the chance to choose for yourself despite what you’ve been taught.

Yes, people with a large lineage of Depression or Obesity are at higher risk because of the culture they were brought up in. Instead of forcing yourself into victimhood by conforming to an idea that your afflictions are genetic, you can now take in stride the fact that YOU have the power to consciously change the direction of your life presently, because it is not genetic but based on a past way of life!

PERMANENT 

I heard a therapist say, “Some Depression can come from circumstances, but others have always been there, will always be there, and you just have to find ways to ease the pain, and make the burden easier to bear...”

Excuse me?

Just clear your mind and picture this. You’re fresh out of the womb, you know nothing other than the sound of your mothers heartbeat for the past 9 months. Your consciousness is in a state of pure consumption from birth to around ages 6-7 years old. When you’re so little, you’re building your mental foundation based on what you’re hearing, seeing, and feeling. Everything is a sensory overload for children trying to build connections and understand their environment, because they literally have zero background knowledge! That is why children seem to be able to pick up on the slightest emotional cues, (small sighs, quick flashes of the eye) because they are spending so much time studying their environment.  

Now, instead imagine that this baby was not born into a nurturing space that encouraged this curiosity, instead it was ridiculed. 

“Stop asking so many questions, you’re a nuisance.” “Can’t you just shut up for one minute!” 

Further progressing to crueler evaluations, “You’re stupid, annoying, worthless.” 

If someone were to come up to you and say, “Hey, you’re a really weird looking unicorn.” You would look at them like they are insane, because you know for a fact that you’re not a unicorn. You have that mental image of yourself to compare to when someone calls you names, so that when you hear something said about you can refer to your mental image and ask “Is this true or not?” Which will then control what emotions you release in reaction. If it is not true you’ll not care and move on, if a part of you believes it is, you’ll get angry, embarrassed, perhaps cry. Remember how I said children were blank slates consuming everything that comes into their senses, they have no foundation/mental image to compare to when someone says something to them, so they immediately accept it as fact. “Mommy said I am worthless, ok that must be true.” “They called me stupid, they're right, I must be.” 

Your mental image was created for you by the words you accepted as fact from childhood. Elongated Depression, depression that is perceived as permanent is from a constant reinforcement of the same idea. Let’s say worthlessness. Your family treated and spoke to you as if you were worthless and you accepted this as fact because you had no other mental image to compare it to. Going into school, you went in with a damaged mental image, so either you were overly critical of yourself and interactions you had or you had more people who reinforced the idea of worthlessness. This idea is now locked in and is the identity to which you perceive your experiences, relationship, and self, which further reinforces the idea. You’re now in a constant state of worthlessness, and you project this self image into life itself, which then leads to the creation of Depression throughout life. 

Let me guess, you’re reading this and thinking,

“Hold up, my lady, you said this wasn’t permanent! Foundations, childhood... It’s sounding pretty permanent to me!”

Shush, my child, you have not been taught the singular word that destroys the idea of ANY mental condition being permanent, and that is  NEUROPLASTICITY.

Neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to shape and reform based on what neurotransmitters are being produced most dominantly. 

For example, people with trauma often have:

• Shrunken Frontal Lobes (cognitive function, allows you to take a more logical approach to emotional situations.)

• An enlarged Amygdala (fear sensor, hyper-active emotions)

• And a smaller Hippocampus (long-term memory storage and memory creation.)

• However, communication between the amygdala and the hippocampus is increased. 

  
  

  EX: From personal experiences, I used to think I got triggered around men in general, but I realized I would only have extreme/sudden anxiety, anger, and sadness around white, brunette men, with dark eyes. This is because my amygdala communicated with my hippocampus and saw most of the life threatening or dangerous situations I was in, the perpetrator was a white, dark-eyed, brunette man. You might notice how when you smell something or hear a certain song, you’ll suddenly get emotional.

  (Really, the trigger could be anything, but that is why we discuss the Trauma Healing Method at Soul's Chi-yu, or in my book Negativity is a Blessing which deep dives into this topic.)

  This isn’t you being crazy, it’s your amygdala trying to protect you by perceiving what was a threat in the past. Your amygdala is warning you saying, “Hey! Our abuser in the past looked like this, wore that cologne, spoke like that, etc. so you should step away from this situation in order to stay safe!” Thank your amygdala, but understand that now it is a lot more hyper-active than it needs to be.

Just as your brain reshaped based on thoughts you were thinking in the past, it can reshape by creating a new mental diet and lifestyle today. As long as you're alive, you have the ability to make things better.

*If you would like specific information on how to Trauma Heal, you can check out my book, Negativity is a Blessing. In that book, we deep dive into trauma healing, as well as how to use negativity to add value to your life instead of burdening you.

You can also schedule coaching sessions with me at my website www.soulchiyu.com

PRESENT DAY MINDSETS 

We have taken down the hornets' nest, (after trauma healing) but there are still hornets flying around causing us problems. How do we exterminate them so we can live in peace? 

Here comes the fun part, begin with making your goals and get crazy with it:

• How do I want to think of myself and of life?

• What do I want my life to look like personally, financially, romantically, etc.? 

Create the best version of yourself! You can do this through making vision boards, journaling, but the point is to understand what exactly it is you want for yourself?

What we're not going to do is start the past-self nonsense of,  “I’m not worthy, or that’s not possible for me.”

(If you are thinking like that, then take it as an opportunity to understand why instead of criticizing yourself using the tools mentioned as a part of trauma healing.) 

People make the mistake of comparing themselves to someone when they are at their most successful, don’t do that, compare yourself to someone when they started. What you’ll find is most of the people you think are better than you actually started in the same situation, broke, depressed, facing social discrimination, etc. Any problem you are having, these extremely successful people had too, some even worse. Once you understand this you will understand that no dream or vision you have is impossible for you, everybody on this Earth came in the same way and they're going to leave the same way, so what matters is that you enjoy what you’re doing in the time between then. It simply comes down to if you want it enough. If you want it enough, it won’t matter that you have to work 20x harder than your friends or your co-workers. 

What matters is at the end of the day you’re working 20x harder for something that makes you happy and fulfilled. 

So, let's break down your goals starting with the most important part, the INTERNAL YOU: 

I want you to bring to light every aspect of yourself that you wish to be, but some of you have spent so long running from yourself that you don’t even know who you want to be.

Here are some tricks:

Have you ever had this person that every time you were around them or saw them you just felt instantly jealous, don’t shame yourself for this emotion instead use it to enlighten you. Dive into the memories and think when specifically do you see this person? Is it a boss during a meeting, a friend out at parties, maybe your cousin's perfect relationship? Think and vocalize it. 

EX: When I was 11,  I noticed specifically I was always envious of people in the exact same situations, social ones. Whenever I saw someone who could easily approach people, light up a conversation and make it last in a meaningful way, I got suuuppper jealous. Whenever I tried to do the same, I felt awkward, the conversation would die quickly, and the person would always have this look on their face like, “Why did you even approach me.”

I thought I was just too shy to be good at talking to people. 

This is the victim mentality. Whenever we fail to do something in a way that doesn’t meet our standards we call ourselves “different” to make an excuse as to why we weren't able to do that thing.

 I was tired of feeling this way, so I started ruthlessly researching conversation tips. I would watch public speakers, record myself talking, search questions online to practice responses, use random word generators and try talking about whatever word came up. I practiced this so well, but whenever I went and talked to others, though the conversation went well, I still felt awkward and insecure. Why?

Here's the missing puzzle piece:

 I did everything right, but my mental dialogue was still aligned with someone who wasn’t charismatic, who was awkward and bad at making conversations. Whenever I talked to someone who was dull, I would blame myself for not making the conversation last and say, “I wasn’t charismatic enough! I need to practice more!” This is how we get burnt out.

We do the work, we execute it properly, but we don’t shift the identity.

Our actions are aligned with our highest self, but we are not thinking how our highest self would think, so we get trapped in the cycle of insecurity. Once I started affirming to myself that I am an amazing conversationalist, extremely charismatic, then I started to view my actions as evidence of my affirmations instead of never amounting to the version of me I wanted be.

Another important element is knowing about "personal style."

(This applies to everything, not just charisma, by the way.) Originally, I thought the only way to be charismatic is to be loud, approach everyone in the room, be the one constantly talking. That is why I felt awkward when in conversation, because I wasn’t embracing who I was and instead trying to fit my mental image of what charisma was "supposed to be."

What helped me is finding people who fit my personal style, and knew how to own it, which is why they too seemed charismatic. I am not loud, I don’t like to talk all the time, if I have something to say I will say it, but I am comfortable in silence. This leans into a calmer, mystic style of speech rather than radiant and energetic. Study your likes/dislikes to find ways of applying them to the image of who you were born to become.

Then simply start creating the list! List all the traits your desired self would have, take action to cultivating them, and shift your identity towards that person. Study and apply, start calling yourself a positive person, or a brave person. You’ll begin to notice that the way you approach situations begins to align with how you identify; and soon, it will be an unconscious effort.

It will be who you are. 

(20%) Nutrition

What you put into your beautiful body should have more thought than merely "loosing weight." What you eat can impact the course of your life, beauty, mood, comfort, and more. To fuel yourself with garbage is to rule your way of life as garbage. Most all people know they need to eat healthier and a lot of people want to, but this is a landscape that has been riddled with obstacles like a toddlers room after a tantrum; let me assist you with sweeping up this mess and gift some general guidelines to keep in mind to sustain gorgeous digestive health.

BEAUTIFUL BODY FUNDAMENTALS

Whole foods. If don't know what the ingredient is, you probably don't need it. Sounds simple. Although, this is easier said than done when you consider food desserts, (lack of fresh market availability) almost zero quick options for meals that aren't ultra-processed, pricing, and time to pre-pare healthy meals. The real way to start healing your gut is to start with habits and navigation of food labels/grocery stores.

Let's get into it: If we're being honest, corporate life is the epitome of "gut killers." You're forced to work long hours, spend most the day sitting, and rush through meal times all to get more work done, which inevitably forces you to have to look for quick meal options that are packed with excessive calories, energy dense, nutrient low foods. Here's the kicker, because of the long hours, majority of these employees are over-worked and exhausted, so guess what your brain does? It sends signals to look for glucose filled energy sources, to convert into more energy to fuel all the mental work that is being done, and glucose primarily comes from... You guessed it, SUGAR! Increasing your cravings, increasing excess consumption of this nutrient, which ups blood sugar, insulin resistance, and if continued overtime, spewing out like a volcanic eruption appears illnesses from all the inflammation! I know your hands are trembling, but do not worry my child, because here comes the saving grace. This can be avoided by becoming as calculated as a chess player through beginning your preparation in the grocery store.

Nutrition labels: First, I want you to understand that no nutrient independently is bad for you. Sugar is perfectly fine and can even be helpful if consumed in moderation and from natural sources, like blueberries, apples, kiwis, etc. What makes things like High-Fructose Corn Syrup a "worse" form of sugar than from a strawberry is due to the fact that it does not come with fiber, vitamins, and minerals; also, because it lacks fiber it is quicker to enter the blood stream and spike blood sugar. There are some nutrients we should look out for though:

• Trans Fats, trans fats has been banned by the FDA because of it's numerous health destructive qualities, like lowering HDL cholesterol (helpful) and increasing LDL (Less helpful), increasing inflammation, etc. Though this "nutrient" has been banned it is still found in majority of fast food chains across the US.

• Added sugar vs Total sugar. Total sugar (if absent of added sugar) is the sugar that naturally occurs in that food (milk, fruit, veggies, dairy, grains.) Added sugar is often overdone, from artificial sources, and is used purely to increase flavor instead of being a part of helpful nutrient quantities.

• Saturated Fat. Saturated Fat can be part of a very healthy diet, but in moderation. Fat already is metabolized in the body differently from carbs and proteins due to water-phobic structure, and saturated fat is defined as a fat solid at room temperature. Build up of excessive saturated fat consumption can clog arteries making blood supply more difficult to reach vital organs. This kind of fat is often added in fast food chains, baked goods, and other food processing.

  (By the way, food processing is the act of altering a food from it's natural state for either consumption or maintaining longer shelf-life.) Make sure you're checking %'s or grams when reading food labels, as saturated fat should only make up 10% or less of a diet.

  (And remember, %'s are based off 2,000kcal diet, so even if it says only 5% it could account for a higher percentage if you eat lower calories.)

• Fiber. This is a good one! The more fiber a food contains the easier digestion becomes and the more substance healthy gut microbiota have to feed on.

• Dyes and bioengineered ingredients. These are controversial, but dyes do have more evidence of promoting hyper-activity which could lead to ADHD in young children, as well as inflammation.

  
  

Alright! Now that the storm clouds have flown away and the horizon of clarity is beginning to shine, it is time to discuss options around the grocery store.

Whole foods must make up the majority of your shopping list, but let's figure out how to do this in regards to budget.

#1: Organic, organic is when things get pricey, but do you really need it? Organic has very strict guidelines, but generally it means absence of pesticides/GMO's during the foods agriculture/feed. Most notably, it has one of the best farming practices to preserve nutrients in their soil/stock bringing to you the highest quality products on the market. Even with washing food, some pesticide residue can remain which has been linked to cancer causing effects. This is why organic packaging is generally 2x more expensive than the non-organic counter part next to it. The thing is, a lot of this scientific evidence was conducted on the farmers of the food, meaning the ones with direct exposure to the pesticides, not those eating trace amounts. Experiments done for the consumers shows significantly lower risk. When it comes down to it, yes, health-wise and for optimal nutrition, organic is better. If you cannot afford it though, please do not opt fruits and veggies out of your diet entirely, purely because you cannot get the best quality at this point in time.

#2 Grass-fed (and finished), pasture raised, are the best label to look for when choosing meats because these are the optimal conditions to promote the most nutrient content. (Cage-free does not mean pasture raised, these meats are still held indoors and lack efficient sunlight to promote maximal nutrient quantity.) When choosing red meats, the leaner the better, not purely for weight loss purposes, but also for regulating saturated fat intake.

*BONUS TIP: Red meat is not supposed to be red, pork is not supposed to be pink, they are meant to be brown! If you see meat in the grocery store that is hyper-brightly colored, it is NOT a sign of freshness but rather the work of dyes. Pick meats that are brown when possible.

In truth, you may not be able to afford the highest quality ingredients in the market, but this does not mean you cannot incorporate numerous whole food options. What hinders most people is that they want to purchase whole foods in addition to processed foods, when really the goal should be to buy whole foods in order to crowd out less helpful ones.

EX: The average price of a 3lb bag of apples cost between $2.97-$5.50. The average cost of a 9.25 oz bag of Doritos cost $3.97-5.50. (As of 2025) The chips are more expensive than the apples! Not only that, but more comes in the bag! More nutrients, fiber, recipes, snacks. Instead of buying a bag of chips for that glucose spike your bodies looking for during a long day of work, grab an apple instead.

Along with this, the internet has thousands of quick, healthy recipes/snacks you can make with these whole food ingredients under 5 minutes. Can you spare 5 minutes before work for the sake of diminishing your doctor's bill in the future, by taking care of yourself now? Eating healthy is not impossible, it merely requires tactic.

As always, if you would like to figure out how to align your nutrition to benefit your physical/ mental goals to maximize your health and well being, I offer one-on-one coaching sessions at my website www.soulchiyu.com

(20%) EXERCISE

Don’t you notice the energy boost you feel after jogging, dancing, or doing any simple workout? You’d think after so much physical exertion you'd wipe yourself out, but it’s the opposite. This is because of the biochemicals being released when you move, and most of these biochemicals have serious advantages for the brain, which can improve target area brain function.

Exercise is the natural (more advantageous, less risky) anti-depressant. Numerous meta-analyzed studies have been done on not only the physical and psychological benefits, but also it's role in the treatment of mental afflictions. Let’s first discuss the different physiological responses when we move our body. 

(Mentally, because physically is self-explanatory, but if you wish for specialized guidance on your goals, you know what to do, call Soul's Chi-yu.)

THE ENERGY: When we run, do cardio, or any kind of movement that is fast and gets the blood pumping! We are activating the sympathetic nervous system. This system then releases norepinephrine/epinephrine in the body, which is your “flight-or-flight” monoamine. Your heart rate will increase, pupils will dilate, digestion slows, etc. This can sound like a bad thing, but not in moderation. Because norepinephrine is a survival adaptation it increases alertness and attention, which specifically can improve conditions like ADHD. Also depression, think about it, depression is an elongated state of feelings of nothingness. When you’re suddenly shot with adrenaline it will force your body to wake up and feel more. Norepinephrine/Epinephrine are not the only biochemicals that get released, Dopamine (reward) and Serotonin (Happy) also are produced, (In addition to a few other beneficial ones.) which is why you feel confident and ready to take on life after a good workout! The health benefits of exercise are talked about frequently when in relation to the body, hormones, and immunity, but what about the mental health benefits? As you can see from what I just mentioned, Exercise would help numerous conditions, improve mood, focus, and more! That is why it is part of my 60-20-20 rule. When you spend all day sitting you physically feel sluggish, but not only that, there is a cloud of tiredness, dirty, and sad feelings. You didn’t excite your body, challenge it, help it grow, and your mentality suffered because of it.

Let’s get specific, based on what my goals are, what kind of exercise do I need to do to reach them? 

Did you know certain exercises increase neural activity in different areas of the brain?:

• Lifting weights and sports drill: pre-frontal cortex (Dopamine, neurogenesis/plasticity)

• Yoga and Pilates: Frontal Lobe (Thoughts and emotions) 

• High-intensity intervals: Hypothalamus (Neurogenesis, appetite and metabolism)

• Aerobic (Walking, dancing, etc.): Hippocampus (Memory) 

Any kind of movement you do is going to release Dopamine and improve neurogenesis (The creation of new neurons in the brain.), just 10 minutes of walking a day can give you the health benefits both physically and psychologically.

Allow me to gift you a secret, though, what most people don’t realize is that the exercises you’re already doing, though keep you healthy, could be an obstacle towards your mental goals.

EX: Let’s say you’re someone who is extremely prone to anxiety and overthinking, because of this your brain is in a constant state of survival, therefore producing norepinephrine regularly. Excess stress is already being placed on the body due to anxiety and on top of that you do high intensity-cardio?! Cardio activates the sympathetic nervous system which produces more norepinephrine, baby, you don’t need anymore of that! (exercises are a great help, but if you want real results with healing your anxiety, you must heal your mind.) 

Instead, do Yoga or Pilates, slow and controlled movements that alternate between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system which combats your norepinephrine/cortisol levels and will leave you with a calmer state. Plus, you still get the benefits from working out.